Friday, March 27, 2015

Are You An Introvert?

I could write a novel about how Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain (which was the Novel Tea Book Club pick for this month) has made me see introversion and myself in a new light, but I figured I would talk about a small portion of the book: the section where Cain mentions self-monitoring. 

When I read this chapter (Chapter 9) it's like a lightbulb when off in my head. I thought, Yes, that's me! I do this! I finally knew the term for what I was doing (ie. self-monitoring) and that I obviously wasn't the only one acting more extroverted than they really are.

Self-monitoring is when you purposefully act differently in social situations, ie. more extroverted.
"It turned out that the introverts who were especially good at acting like extroverts tended to score high for a trait that psychologists call 'self-monitoring.' Self-monitors are highly skilled at modifying their behavior to the social demands of a situation. They look for cues to tell them how to act." 
I read this read the above paragraph and knew that this is 100% me! I've had people tell me that I'm outgoing and that I'm not shy at all, which I've always thought was strange since I would never ever use the term outgoing to describe myself. But now I saw that I was self-monitoring. I used my friendly demeanor to cover my introversion. I walk into a room and subconsciously look at the people around me for social cues on how I should act. I'm "accommodating myself to situational norms." I know that most people do this, but now I see that I'm pretty good at it (AKA a high self-monitor).
Are you an introvert?
Do you self-monitor?

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19 comments:

  1. I'm also a total introvert, obviously! I self-monitor all the time, I feel like I always act differently depending on the situation! Although, when alone I curl up into my inner shell and just relax and read. Sometimes, if I'm too exhausted, I find that I'm bad at self-monitoring, or if I'm in a situation that I didn't want to be in, then I find that I don't act extroverted at all.

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  2. I am definitely an introvert, but the kind that could be a hermit and only come out every once in a while and be happy kind. My best friend is the kind of introvert that self-monitors. When that quote mentioned acting, I immediately thought of a conversation that we were having a year or so ago about how you have to act extroverted in certain situations, but in reality, you're dying inside and all you want it to be at home with your dog, reading a book, enjoying a good glass of wine. He's actually the face of a company called ABC tutor based in Taiwan, so he has to suck it up and self-monitor in his day to day. I thankfully, no longer have to act since I get to be office manager instead of front desk.

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  3. I think I'm getting better at self-monitoring, but sometimes I still struggle and end up feeling really awkward haha! But having a lot more forced interaction with strangers is helping to polish that skill.

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  4. Dressed With SoulMarch 28, 2015 at 8:01 AM

    Hm, I'm not sure, I think in some kinds I'm really an introvert but in other respect more the other side. Maybe I'm a mixture :)

    xx from Germany/Bavaria, Rena

    www.dressedwithsoul.com

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  5. You could be an ambivert, which is right in between!

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  6. I love when I'm alone because I just feel the most myself, like there's no pretending. I just am who I am.

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  7. I am an introvert for sure. I have decided to embrace that part of myself and use it to help me grow.

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  8. Oh I definitely haven't reached this part of the book yet!! (I am so behind) I might be self-monitoring I am not sure now :)
    Great post, I love your pictures, is the BITE Lipstick good??

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  9. Is there such a thing as being both an introvert and an extrovert? I'm pretty sure I have traits of both. I love being a bit of a hermit from time to time, and really like to spend time just by myself. That said, I also have a more outgoing side too. It just depends on my mood!

    Jackie

    Something About That

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  10. I am definitely an introvert! I really should get a copy of this book, it sounds interesting.

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  11. I learned that I am an outgoing introvert. People always tell me I'm bubbly and outgoing, but I also thought that was weird because I FEEL shy. Apparently there is something called an outgoing introvert http://www.puckermob.com/lifestyle/8-signs-you-may-be-an-outgoing-introvert

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  12. I started to read that but never finished it! It really is a fascinating topic. I guess, based on the book, I would be considered an introvert. I'm outgoing, but my energy definitely depleats after social interactions. I always need 'me time' to recharge.

    Christie
    The Closet by Christie

    www.theclosetbychristie.com

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  13. I need me time too! A lot of it!

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  14. It's really fascinating! I learned so much!

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  15. Yes, you could be an ambivert, which is smack dab in the middle!!

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  16. Thanks so much, Angela! I really like Bite lipstick! It can be a little drying after a while, but they smell so good!

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  17. ohh good to know. I have one but it's more of a gloss in a lipstick form so it's very moisturizing I had been wondering on their standard lip line

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Hello, beautiful! Thanks for leaving a comment!
Have a lovely day!
~Sara ♥

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