It all stemmed from an incident at my dad's house, where I had to rush to someone's aid when they were pretty badly hurt since my dad wasn't there. I'm talking huge open wound that was covered in dirt and bleeding profusely and you could almost see the bone. I knew exactly what to use, how to clean the wound, how to use my dad's medical supplies, and how to keep the person calm when the woman was hysterical crying because it hurt so badly.
Maybe it seems ridiculous to consider changing your whole life because of one situation, but it had a strong impact on me. I realized afterwards how oddly calm and clearheaded I had been and how it had given me such an adrenaline rush. I was happy and dare I say pleased with myself that I had helped someone, that I had been the one to come to their aid.
It made me realize that I could, and maybe should, help people.
But then I thought more about it. Of course, becoming a doctor is an honor and it comes with lots of prestige, but could I really do it? It's hard work, yes, and I have no problem with that. There's lots of school involved; I have no problem with that either. What I did have a problem with was the expectations and the fact that people would be depending me on everyday. And based on what kind of doctor I became, they might even be putting their life in my hands.
That one incident had happened so quickly that all I did was react. I didn't have time to think about it. But if I became a doctor it would be on my mind all the time. I would worry day and night if I had made the right call for my patients. What if I should've done this when I did that -- that sort of thing.
I'm not good at having that sort of weight on my shoulders. The idea of having people depend on me made my stomach drop. Maybe all doctors feel this way, but I knew I couldn't deal with it all the time.
Honestly, I get anxious when I have too many assignments for school due at the same time. I break out and can't eat. If I became a doctor, I would perpetually look like a teenager and waste away. Not a good look.
So in the end I decided to stick with creative writing. A calm life is the path I'm going to take. At least for now. If I decide to become a doctor at forty, then that's what I'll do, but right now I'm perfectly happy.
Just know that if you take a bad fall and I'm around, I got your back.